Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
