JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
