I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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