Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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