If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
