I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
