God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
