I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
