I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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