Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
