take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
