As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
