i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
