My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
a search helicopter?!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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