could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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