I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
