the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
