I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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