Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
