My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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