so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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