I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
