I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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