I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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