One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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