FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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