Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
