cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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