she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
