Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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