so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
