well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
