I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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