i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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