if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
