Girls should come with a carfax report
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This is classic penis vs brain.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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