maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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