youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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