i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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