.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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