my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
