I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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