no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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