she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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