I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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