why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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