No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
