I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
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You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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