I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Life is so much better after having sex.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
