Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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