Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
