vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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