Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Randomize
