**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
