I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
