Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
