Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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