dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
