Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
