someone threw a dead crab at me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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