If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
