It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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