Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
