i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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