I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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