Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize