this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
