I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
