He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
