I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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