I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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