looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
