I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
