i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
